Sophie's 1st Birthday

Yesterday was Sophie's first birthday. We came back from the cities, visited her grave, picked up the dogs and headed home. Then last night we went to the hospital to deliver treats to the nurses. The nurses were very appreciative and that made us feel good. We left a card in our basket of treats which was healing for us.

Last night we read Psalms 91, just like we did while laying in the hospital bed and thanked God for all of those people he placed in our life that day and the days to follow. The pastor that  baptized Sophie was one of those people that we will always remember. He was amazing and shared his amazing story with us about his own stillbirth experience and struggles with fertility. Another place where God gave us HOPE. God continues to give us hope and we cling to the quotes and verses that helped us and continue to help us grow in our faith life and function in our daily lives.

Here is a picture of where Sophie is buried. The craziest thing happened while we were standing there. It started to lightly snow. No clouds in the sky just a light snow falling down on just us. Pretty awesome and another gift from God.

There was a point late last night that I felt that same peace I felt one year ago wash over me and I was able to rest, which was definitely needed.

Today

For a few months now, Bill and I have been dreading this week. We have been dreading Christmas and dreading the days that followed. Walking the same path as we did last year and praying for a different outcome is so hard but I know we will get through this. Almost everyone in our life has been so supportive and patient with us, and we are ever grateful.

Last Thursday, I traveled to Fargo with our band and choir to Sanford for Christmas singing/playing. I sat in the same rotunda area that I sat in while waiting for Bill to come and get me so we could go to the funeral home and plan Sophie's funeral. That was probably the moment that I truly realized it has been one year. For the past several days we have thought about what we were doing on this day at this time last year. I remember, I remember each moment of physical pain that week, I remember how scared and sick I was. I remember trying so hard to be tough for our baby. I remember how God never left me and the comfort I found in him. Especially in that moment we saw Sophie's body on the ultrasound. That is why I fear ultrasounds and pray every time we have one, that this baby will live.

I spent today alone. Something that was really hard to do but also needed. I needed to cry and mourn. I needed this time to myself. I read some of the words of Sophie's story that I wrote in those weeks that followed and I am actually amazed at my strength, well not my strength but the strength God gave and still gives me. I wrote about patience, love, hugs, compassion, grace, my new understanding of death and a true understanding that God is in control, not us.

I wrote a great deal about patience and faith.
...When we choose to walk a life of Faith, they are two that will go hand in hand. Faith is different for all people. We all grow through our experiences, good and bad. Waiting with patience is a great gift Sophie has given us.

Today I think about those hands and feet. How we will never kiss them or hold them again but how amazing it was when we did. She had such big hands and feet, thinking about them makes us both smile and thank God we had the chance to kiss them, touch them and hold those hands and feet when we did.

.

Morgan's Quilt

I made Morgan a puff quilt. It was supposed to be a birthday present last July, it just didn't happen so I gave it to her on Christmas.

We tried to get a picture with Morgan, the quilt and myself. Morgan, however, had different plans...

After several attempts, Morgan finally decided it was ok to sit near me, on the quilt. We were looking pretty stylish in our matching outfits!

Growing Belly

We try to take pictures of my growing belly each week, however, sometimes we forget and sometimes Gus truly makes it difficult. He just doesn't understand why I am standing still and he is not allowed to be in the picture or be petted.

 As annoying as he is, we do love him, he just makes things more difficult sometimes! He can be such a good friend and companion and those are the times that I am thankful he is in our lives.

Cuddle Time

Gus and Sandy were in some serious need of cuddling last night. Gus made a little nest in the blankets Bill was using and made himself comfortable.

He is actually pretty cute, when he is not destroying items. 

Gender Reveal

...JUST KIDDING!!!

Cousin Ashley thinks we are so funny :) We are not finding out the sex of this baby either. There are so few surprises in life, and for us, this is going to be one of them!

We did have another ultrasound last week. It is fun to see how this little one grows and moves. It is amazing to me how stubborn our babies are! We again, were unable to get all of the pictures we needed. At one point, when the baby finally moved so they could get a profile pic, he/she put their hand up almost as to cover their face! Too funny.

Here are the progress pictures of our sweet little Stansbery. 

...and here we are this week!