Tattoo-changed

Bill decided he wanted to change the tattoo on his arm. A few weeks ago, he went in and had Sophie's name placed above his cross and her birthstone color added as fill inside the cross. I think it turned out pretty cool.

Adventures of Dana, Carter and Gus

Carter, Gus and I went on an adventure last Friday. The rest of his family had appointments so we headed to the farm for an adventure.

 Carter road his bike around.

 Gus ate icky things and dug holes.

 We looked at fossils in the rocks.

 Ran after Grandpa Dale in his pick up.

 We had fun climbing in the trees...we were kind of safe...

 Took a break and checked out the landscape.

 Had a little fun inside, putting a puppy puzzle together. Man, does Carter need a dog!

 Then, when it was time to head home, we relaxed and enjoyed the ride.

March

We made it through March. Tough month, tough days but we made it. Easter week is upon us and is proving to be healing as we walk through the darkness and remember the ultimate sacrifice that was made for us. Tonight's service was special and healing. These past two Easters have been hard but I had no idea that this Easter would be even more difficult. We continue to pray for peace and look towards hope and pray that next Easter we can feel joy and peace again.

We are coping and finding many different avenues for healing. We are trying hard to forgive and ignore some of the comments made with the best of intentions. Sometimes it is harder than others but as we both know, no one means to hurt us, it is just their way of attempting to be helpful. I got a few really special cards and emails this week from friends that made me smile. I know my teacher friends and others care. It really helps just knowing someone cares and hasn't forgotten about us and Sophie. They fill my heart with warmth for just a bit and it feels good.

We are healing in our own way, we are grieving in our own way. Only we know what is best for us and what is a good idea. There is no time limit or period when we will be okay, we just have to keep trying to find joy and peace in our new normal. We appreciate those who allow us to grieve and not judge us because we aren't up for an outing and respect us when they see us crying in an aisle at Target. It means more than words can tell, very comforting.

This week my favorite verse has helped me a few times when I felt the anger, bitterness and frustration well up inside of me. It helps remember that joy and peace that I am looking towards.

Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Eight Weeks and Three Days

It has been eight weeks, three days, four hours and fourteen minutes since Sophie was born. This past week seemed to be one of the hardest, full of unimaginable pain but we made it through each day and continue to keep going by the grace of God.

Today I finished Sophie's baby book and have spent the past hour listening to some of the songs from Sophie's funeral and one other of my favorites, How Beautiful. For some reason, I can't seem to press the "order" button and order the book. It has been something I have put many hours into and I guess being done with it, feels like another loss. I know I will treasure having it and am excited to order it but still, something else that is done.

Here are the front and the back covers of her book.

We are ever so thankful for the memories we have of Sophie and all of the precious pictures. We are also so very thankful with how gentle everyone is with us. Some days I feel like my heart might just burst from the pain but it doesn't and I keep going. I keep praying it will get easier, eventually. The other song that helps me with this is, Be Still. Amy sang this at Sophie's funeral and it helps to remember the words and know God is here and we need to be patient with ourselves.

Adventure

Last weekend, Bill and I decided to go on an adventure. There are gullies just west of my parent's house and I had never explored in them. We decided we might as well give it a try and see what it was like down in the gullies. To begin, our decline was a little steep but once we got down, it was absolutely beautiful. There were so many tracks from deer, coyotes and possibly a wolf. It kept us occupied for an afternoon and it was very healing being outside on an amazingly beautiful day.

Smile

After a difficult day, I decided to peruse through my pictures to find something that would make me smile and not cry for a few minutes.

I came across these and they of course, made me smile.

"Where flowers bloom so does hope"

After Sophie's funeral we brought many of the flowers from friends and family home. Our house smelled like a flower shop. 

After Sophie's burial, Bill and I decided to get away so we could be alone. Dustin was kind enough to stop by and grab our mail and water our flowers so they stayed fresh. When we came home, we were exhausted and did not pay attention to our house or anything in it. Monday morning I woke up and walked around the house looking at the flowers, crying and trying to figure out how the heck I was going to keep moving and living. 

Then I walked by one of our plants that we have had for six years. The plant has green leaves and has never bloomed, in fact, I did not know that it was supposed to bloom. There on the end of the plant was the most petite little red flower. I sat down on the floor and sobbed for quite some time. 

Some people do not believe God speaks to them. I believe, God speaks to everyone, it is your choice if you choose to listen. 

I truly believe our little red flower is another sign from God that there is hope and beauty in our world that is so broken and sad. Flowers are a sign of hope and can comfort the soul and bring beauty.